it was really hard to be with him, really hard...
i know i've never loved him, maybe i kinda like him or maybe that was kinda passion but it was never love! i've never loved him!!
maybe i'm trying to convince myself that it wasn't, but i don't care if it's true or not, cause it's working, i really feel like i don't love him, i have never loved him!
and actually i'm happy, i'm happy to be alone now, cause i'm not thinking of him, i'm not wasting time to think about the time of his leaving, i'm not asking a question myself again and again; "when will he leave me?"
i'm not feeling worry to see his message if it's a seperation, if it's bad, or if it's not from him...
yeah, i'm also little bit sad too! i mean i have to be, i can't chance this and also i don't want to, but i know it will go away... it will go away like the memories of the times that we share... i will forget his smell, his whispers "i love you", his warm words "i want you" ... also i want to! i wanna forget...
today we talked on the phone five mins before our seperation, he asked me how i could sleep without him, he laugh and he said he loved me, he said he wanna be with me, he said he missed me, he said he wanted me to call him again later... later would never come!!! well, i really just wanna forget everything, and i know time will help!

tomorrow is a new day, a mistery for me... maybe i don't wanna wake up but it's my destiny and step by step i'm living it and i'm gonna live my life the way it's meant to be!
i'm not sad... i'm just curius for tomorrow...

gizem...